im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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