So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize