Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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