nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
