i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
