I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
