I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
