chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
