its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
