i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
