guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
