Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She said her name was "party"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
