My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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