a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
