a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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