Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
