I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
