Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
even my farts smell like vagina
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
