we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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