omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
