He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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