Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
