You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
