theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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