Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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