cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
