I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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