R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Found your dick twin last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
