The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
