Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
