ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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