At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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