From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
