I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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