I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Damn victory sex feels great
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
