Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
