Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
