im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
