I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
