my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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