I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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