Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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