You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
