About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize