You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize