sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
