He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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