Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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