we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
