My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
