I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
