I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He better not be in your backpack
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
