i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
