there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
