I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
