sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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