Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Come share oat with me in your robe
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
