Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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