Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
