i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
