theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
