Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
